I wrote a book, published it, and I’ve been struggling ever since about what to do about it. I don’t know if everyone else experiences an inherent shame in having created something, and then, having to do it justice by talking about it. All I want to do is forget about it and move on, like it’s been a painful experience I’d rather forget. I bristle when it comes up in conversation. Why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard to talk about yourself, and if it’s so hard, why not just DON’T talk about yourself? At all. The book itself is about me in a big way even though it has its own agenda of talking about writing. Maybe I’m just not humble enough and particularly skilled at talking about anything objective without making it about myself.

And now that it’s published, I have to talk about me writing about myself. The embarrassment seems to be compounding. And yet, what else can one do?

Back to the purpose of this post… I wrote a book called Adventures in Screenwriting: How One Writer Navigates the Dire Straits, and I kinda wish I didn’t and I’m kinda grateful that I did. It’s awful and perfect that I did this thing.

In the book, I talked a lot about what it’s like to be compelled to write, what it feels like to be a writer, how the process of writing has a life of its own, what might be good to do and what might be good not to do as you swim in the ocean of ideas, how one copes with self throughout the writing process and beyond. It is NOT a ‘how to write a screenplay’ book or a ‘how to be successful’ book. Because what do I honestly know. What does anyone know.

In addition to writing this book, I went through the process of editing it (with generous support from Irene Cooper), publishing it myself (with formatting chops from Rebecca Kelleher), which meant I had to learn things that I really didn’t want to or should have never had to learn about print and ebook publishing, and then, lo and behold, recording an audiobook version of it. With my own voice.

Through this entire process of writing and publishing a book, I feel like I overdosed on being me, talking about myself and using my own voice to further personalize the experience. There’s nothing more drastically prickling than creating a DIY style poorly-soundproofed-therefore-not-at-all-soundproofed den for yourself in your closet and intermittently locking yourself in to do your penance to the Gods that made you who you are. I cursed a lot. My audiobook producer friend, Mike Reaney, must have hated listening to my frustration at myself and all the noisemakers of the world right outside my closet. Life is a loud demon. Mike has been patient and dear.

The book is done, and it’s been out since March. I’ve finally run out of excuses and places to hide. And I feel more ready than I ever will be to talk about it.

My hope with this book is that people who read it find something interesting and amusing in it that they either share or that they’ve never thought of in that way before. Maybe it will prompt a smidge of inspiration, a hard-to-put-your-finger-on experience that tickles their soul with a degree of light and comfort. Then I’ll feel a little less awkward about having written it.

‘Adventures in Screenwriting’ is a book. I wrote it. I want to apologize for it. But what’s the use.

Selin